[ale] [Fwd: FW: Microsoft buys U.S. (fwd)]
Mark Cantrell
mcantrell at inetnow.net
Sat Oct 26 11:10:50 EDT 1996
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I thought this was kinda funny . . .
<snip>
Subject: Microsoft buys U.S.
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REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to
accusations made by the Department of Justice, the
Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring
the federal government of the United States of America for
an undisclosed sum."It's actually a logical extension of
our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,
"It really is going to be a positive arrangement for
everyone".
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval
office of the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton,
and assured members of the press that changes will be
"minimal". The United States will be managed as a wholly
owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
planned for July of next year, and the federal government
is expected to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest",
according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had
"willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a
vice president with Microsoft,and will continue to manage
the United States government, reporting directly to Bill
Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of
executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred
to it as "a relief". He went on to say that Gates has a
"proven track record", and that U.S. citizens should offer
Gates their "full support and confidence". Clinton will
reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually
he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at
Microsoft.
Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved
to Redmond as "silly", though did say that he would make
executive decisions for the U.S. government from his
existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on to
say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed,
"and look how well we're doing".
When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada
was proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions
are taking place". Microsoft representatives closed the
conference by stating that United States citizens will be
able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
About Microsoft
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide
leader in software for personal computers, and democratic
government. The company offers a wide range of products and
services for public, business and personal use, each
designed with the mission of making it easier and more
enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of
personalcomputing and free society every day.
About the United States
Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most
successful nation in the history of the world, and has been
a beacon of democracy and opportunity for over 200 years.
Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the United States is a
wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
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Subject: FW: Microsoft buys U.S. (fwd)
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To: mcantrell at inetnow.net
From: Mark Cantrell <cantrell at premtec.com>
=================================================================
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Fri, 24 Oct 1997 12:48:31 -0400
From: Jim Worthington <jimw at tstnet.com>
To: 'Bill Merchak' <billmert at redshift.com>,
'Bob Conrad Internet' <Conrad at pps.pubpol.duke.edu>,
'Brendan Farrell' <BPFJR at aol.com>, 'Chuck Bamford' <c.bamford at TCU.EDU>,
'Chuck Jordan home' <torgo at mindspring.com>,
"'Chuck Jordan work' <ChuckJ at LucasArts.com> 'Daniele Chenal'"
<Chenal_Daniele at Tandem.com>,
'Fred Frazier - work' <frederick.frazier-1 at ksc.nasa.gov>,
'Gary Woods work' <GWoods at harris.com>,
'Glen Allen work' <GAllen at harris.com>,
'Jim Ketchupaw' <JKetch at cris.com>,
"'John Forrester' <Forster at mindspring.com> 'John Zimsky'"
<JJ at zero.ssg-reston.tandem.com>,
'JSL Study Group' <ajugjsl at fivepoints.com>,
'Mark Seroka' <Mark.Seroka at chase.com>,
'Michael Anderson' <MAnders at ix.netcom.com>,
'Parnell Watkins' <pwatkins at ent.mrj.com>,
"'Pat Maresca' <P_Maresca at oki-mail.ccmail.compuserve.com>
'Peter Briggs - home'" <petezm at aol.com>,
'Rich Johnson' <Richard.K.Johnson at BankAmerica.com>,
'Robert Wardell home' <Wardell at ix.netcom.com>,
'Steve Peters' <clebe at erols.com>, 'Ted Milby' <thm at iname.com>,
"'Tom Bobowicz' <bobowicz at ix.netcom.com> 'Tom Harney'"
<THarney at msn.com>,
'Victoria McKenna' <vmckenna at lads.com>
Subject: FW: Microsoft buys U.S.
Subject: Microsoft buys U.S.
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to
accusations made by the Department of Justice, the
Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring
the federal government of the United States of America for
an undisclosed sum."It's actually a logical extension of
our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates,
"It really is going to be a positive arrangement for
everyone".
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval
office of the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton,
and assured members of the press that changes will be
"minimal". The United States will be managed as a wholly
owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
planned for July of next year, and the federal government
is expected to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest",
according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had
"willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a
vice president with Microsoft,and will continue to manage
the United States government, reporting directly to Bill
Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of
executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred
to it as "a relief". He went on to say that Gates has a
"proven track record", and that U.S. citizens should offer
Gates their "full support and confidence". Clinton will
reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually
he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at
Microsoft.
Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved
to Redmond as "silly", though did say that he would make
executive decisions for the U.S. government from his
existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on to
say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed,
"and look how well we're doing".
When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada
was proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions
are taking place". Microsoft representatives closed the
conference by stating that United States citizens will be
able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
About Microsoft
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide
leader in software for personal computers, and democratic
government. The company offers a wide range of products and
services for public, business and personal use, each
designed with the mission of making it easier and more
enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of
personalcomputing and free society every day.
About the United States
Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most
successful nation in the history of the world, and has been
a beacon of democracy and opportunity for over 200 years.
Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the United States is a
wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
--
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