[ale] Mostly OT but darn cute!

aaron aaron at pd.org
Sun Apr 16 19:14:10 EDT 2006

On Sunday 16 April 2006 15:13, Brian Whigham wrote:
> Aaron,
> Perhaps you sacrificed your facts to come up with that awe-inspiring 
> literary device.  Either that or you were in a bigger, more ignorant 
> bubble than they are.  Latter-Day Saints don't practice polygamy.  No 
> one forces anyone to be baptized.  And no one brainwashes anyone unless 
> you define it as invitation to exercise one's agency or teaching one's 
> children what one believes to be true.

First, I apparently need to point the obvious and note out that all my 
comments were delivered in jest to a silly OT post, thus the smiley faces. I 
hope anyone who understands this will please ignore the remainder of this 
reply, but for those that have decided to take a little penguin inspired 
silliness way too seriously...

I can assure you that I have the facts underlying my jests entirely straight, 
having worked for several years in the Mormon owned CBS affiliate radio and 
television broadcast facilities of Salt Lake City, literally at the heart of 
the political propaganda ministries of the LDS Mormon-ey machine.
(-: I guess I was their token open minded agnostic. ;-) 

Though it is no longer sanctioned in the mainstream LDS tenets, there are 
several active Mormon sub-cults that continue to promote and practice 
polygamy. This component of original doctrine became an especially pragmatic 
tool for the Mormon's westward migration from Missouri and settlement of the 
Utah valley. At the time, polygamy was an openly approved and, indeed, 
strongly encouraged practice, as the settlers desperately needed to populate 
their "promised land" rapidly if they were to wrest it from the native 
American tribes that already inhabited the region. While unmitigated demands 
for procreation remain a primary, subjugating edict for women under current 
mainstream Mormon beliefs, the practice of polygamy in service of this core 
precept was not officially renounced by the LDS leadership until 1890.

As to indoctrination under dogmatic, authoritarian (and most often 
patronizingly patriarchal) belief systems, the practices of induction and 
"conversion" found within most any cult [aka religion] can be justly 
classified as brainwashing. This applies to jihadists, zionists and 
fundamentalists of any design, the only requisite being that they lay claim 
to the ultimately arrogant and impossible to substantiate doctrine of being 
the "master faith", something the LDS dogma most certainly does in the 
extreme. (-: As an aside, a Jewish friend of mine living in Utah, the land of 
Zion for Mormons, was often amused by the idea that it was the only place he 
could be considered a Jew and a Gentile at the same time! :-) 

> And I doubt the second threat to the penguins is true either.  Though 
> the average age of students at BYU (Provo, Utah) is probably not 30, it 
> was named the fittest college campus in the US by Men's Fitness magazine 
> (research by Princeton Review) 
> (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,168854,00.html).

While the facts of obsession with sweets among the population of Utah are 
common knowledge, I'll readily admit that the joke about Mormon's being 
penguin shaped by 30 is based on personal observations and is not a 
clinically or scientifically substantiated theory. However, the "study" you 
quote (via link to fauxnews, no less) was essentially just an opinion poll 
questionnaire that is equally devoid of scientific evaluation. 
shows some of the other "winners to be: 
  [2] University of California, Santa Barbara
  [3] Boston University
  [9] University of Wisconsin, Madison
(^: If the study had been based on actual physical evaluations, the University 
of Wisconsin, Madison, should have ranked number one, at least if one judged 
by the young woman I briefly dated from there... I just could NOT keep up 
with her triathlon training regimen! :^)

I won't even get started on the willful ignorance and superstitions that keep 
Brigham Young University from having a medical school so that they could 
actually conduct a valid scientific evaluation of their student body's health 
or physical fitness.

> I apologize if anyone invited you to be baptized while in Utah.  It's 
> obvious that they should have invited you to repent first.  My 
> invitation to you, REPENT!
> not so respectfully submitted,
> Brian Whigham
> A non-penguin-shaped, Georgia-born, Georgia-raised Mormon

Thanks for playing, but I'm neither intimidated by or obligated to anyone's 
imaginary friends. With nothing to ever repent or regret in resurrecting a 
little reason and reality on an Easter Sunday...


> aaron wrote:
> >On Sunday 16 April 2006 08:19, William Bagwell wrote:

> >>Awwww widdle penguins in... sweaters?
> >>
> >>http://www.sltrib.com/ci_3713118
> >>-- 
> >>William
> >
> >;-)
> >Yeah, they look cute now, but don't forget for a second that it is the 
> >freakin' Mormons that are knitting those sweaters. I grew up in Utah, so I 
> >know that the next phase of their plot will be to brainwash and baptize the 
> >entire flock. Then they'll unleash thousands of pairs of polygamy 
> >penguins on the world to perniciously proselytize their propaganda on every 
> >doorstep! (Well, at least until the birds go extinct from every father 
> >to keep a dozen eggs from freezing...  or until the ice caps melt as a 
> >of the human overpopulation promoted by all the suicidal "latter days" 
> >religious cults of the world.)
> >;-)
> >It just occurred to me that the Mormons may pose another bizarre threat to 
> >this precious (as in super cute) species of flightless fowl. Their real 
> >attraction to the birds may stem from observations that most Mormons end up 
> >shaped like penguins by the age of 30, primarily because sugar abuse is 
> >only cult sanctioned vice. Extinction from diabetes could become a 
> >if these poor penguins start getting Latter Day sweets with their Latter 
> >sweaters!
> >:-O
> >
> >
> >peace
> >aaron
> >
> >
> >   
> >_______________________________________________
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> >Ale at ale.org
> >http://www.ale.org/mailman/listinfo/ale
> >  
> >

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